Hannah Scribbles

Star Wars Madness: Acrobatics and Escargot

In Sci-Fi on April 3, 2013 at 8:59 am

Light Side:  Obi-Wan Kenobi vs. Yoda

Coming off a difficult win against Han Solo, I’m sure Obi-Wan Kenobi was not pleased to learn he’d be fighting famed Jedi Council member Yoda, who had a slightly better time defeating Luke Skywalker in the previous round.

After Kenobi’s master died fighting Darth Maul, the Jedi knight changed his fighting style and honed his Soresu skills.  Soresu is a combat form that focuses on drawing combatants in and tiring them with an impenetrable defense, and Kenobi truly perfected it.  But he never went up against Yoda’s acrobatic lightsaber style.

Yoda, a 900-year-old being who served as Grand Master of the Jedi Council, was renowned as one of the wisest and strongest Jedi.  Hobbling around with his cane, Yoda doesn’t seem like a top dog.  But if you bring lightsabers into the equation, Yoda turns out to be quite the force-mover and shaker.

Verdict:

yoda dagobah, yoda empire strikes back, yoda jedi master, jedi grand masterYoda dances circles around Kenobi!  It’s been contested (by my peers, who may or may not be experts in the field of Jedi duels) that Kenobi would beat Yoda, but I beg to differ.

The confusion about today’s outcome comes from the assumption that Clone-Wars-Kenobi is fighting Return-of-the-Jedi-Yoda, but this simply isn’t true.  Compare the two at the height of their power.  While Kenobi uses Soresu so effectively that he is a lightsaber wall, Yoda has speed on his side.  Though usually utilizing Form IV, a heavily acrobatic lightsaber form, Yoda mastered every lightsaber form – except Vaapad.  Not only does Yoda know the ins and outs of Soresu, he knows every technique to get around, under, above and through Kenobi’s lightsaber wall.  You don’t become Grand Master of the Jedi Order for nothing, after all.

Dark Side:  Darth Vader vs. Jabba the Hutt (no, seriously)

Darth Vader emerged with an easy win against his acrobatic Sith rival while Jabba took some hits before ultimately squashing Cad Bane.  Now, the giant space slug is up against the dark side of the force, and the results won’t be pretty.

Despite being encased in a metal shell that prevents him from using force lighting, a traditional Sith tactic, Darth Vader is far from weak.  Vader can unleash devastating force attacks, choking the life out of people who are nowhere near him.  He can pry into the mind of the unsuspecting and make them believe his version of reality. And, apparently, the mechanical man is still handy enough with a lightsaber to best the infamous Darth Maul in a straightforward duel.

Jabba the Hutt made it far in life by being a scum-sucking weasel.  No, I’m not being facetious.  The slug is actually very good at being very bad, which enabled him to get ahead in life and to command an impressive, if not respectable, entourage.

Verdict:

darth vader, darth vader death star, darth vader tattoineDarth Vader makes escargot out of Jabba!  I’m not sure whether there was ever a question here.  Not only does Vader have a longstanding hatred of all things Tattoine, he has the ability to manifest that with moon-sized space stations and the raw power of the dark side.  Okay, so he never asked Tarkin to blow up the outer rim planet, but he brooded about it quite a bit.  Jabba might be the most powerful cartel boss in the region, but Vader is one of the most feared people in the entire freakin’ galaxy.  There’s a reason for that.

Will Yoda best Obi-Wan Kenobi? Can Jabba the Hutt pay enough people to save him from Darth Vader?  You be the judge! Don’t forget to get out there and cast your vote!

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