Hannah Scribbles

Star Wars Madness Day Seven: I Sense A Disturbance in the Brackets

In Sci-Fi on March 26, 2013 at 8:51 am

DISCLAIMER: The following contents may be biased.  Please use discretion when reading this blog.

I sensed a disturbance in the force when I looked over today’s bracket lineup.  I know most of the brackets on the light side so far had a gimmick.  There were the two scoundrel friends, the two pilot friends from Red Squadron, the two robot friends, the master-apprentice duo (they were friends) and the mom vs. daughter combination of Padme and Leia.  And on the “dark side” we had three continual days of mercenaries and bounty hunters, which I’m sure no one found tedious.

But today took the cake.  Besides a language that needs a protocol droid for translation, try to guess what Chewbacca and Wicket have in common.  I’ll give you a hint: plushies.  Both Chewie and Wicket have furriness of a stuffed animal. And, because they physically cannot speak Basic, they have no way of defending their honor.  I’m calling shenanigans on the overly gimmicky brackets!

Light Side:  Chewbacca vs. Wicket

Chewbacca is a badass.  We all know the saying “Let the wookiee win,” but it takes on special meaning with Chewbacca.  In his younger years the wookiee already had an adventurer’s spirit; he knew all the paths through Kashyyyk and used them to his advantage when he had to enter into honor battles.  The bright wookiee was also a superb mechanic, able to build gizmos out of salvage.

Chewbacca aided the Republic during the Clone Wars, quickly gaining prestige as one of Kashyyyk’s greatest fighters.  Following Order 66, he aided Yoda in escaping and attempted to shelter other surviving Jedi – but he didn’t count on the Empire’s newest weapon, Darth Vader, who bombarded Kashyyyk in search of the Jedi.  Now wanted, Chewbacca took to the galaxy and became a freedom fighter until he was enslaved by an Imperial commander and beaten to near-death.  But, he was rescued by then-Lieutenant Han Solo, and the two escaped with a bounty on their heads to become smugglers.  The rest is history.

Wicket is an ewok scout from the forest moon of Endor.  Following many adorable – I mean harrowing – adventures in his day, Wicket befriended a human woman named Leia and invited her into his tree village.  The ewoks then helped the rebellion defeat the Imperial storm troopers during the Battle of Endor.

Actually, let’s get real: every picture of Wicket is a cartoon.  He goes on adventures against things called Phlogs and activates things like the “forbidden Rainbow Bridge.”  He helps baby animals find their way back home and gets blown off a mountain by the mountain itself.  Lucas, what is this treachery?  If I wanted adorable fantasy time, I wouldn’t immerse myself in something named “Star Wars.” Star implies science fiction, and Wars means violence. Duh.

Verdict:

let the wookiee win, Chewbacca crossbow, chewbacca wins, chewbacca and han solo

Chewbacca wins! It wasn’t hard to win against a teddy bear, really.  Chewbacca’s bow skills, mechanical know-how and ability to rip people’s arms out of their sockets trumps Wicket’s slingshot and adorable antics.  I don’t understand how the two made the same bracket unless it really was some warped attempt at “matching” the characters that came off as species-biased. In fact, since I don’t recognize the existence of ewoks in Star Wars canon, it is likely that Chewbacca had the entire bracket to himself.  That’s how you let the wookiee win.

Dark Side:  Count Dooku vs. Tarkin

Dooku promising telekinesis powers. Became a Jedi Master after successfully training Qui-Gon Jinn in to a Jedi knight.  His teachings about telekinesis and conquering arrogance were well regarded by the order, but Dooku began having doubts about the Jedi and left the order, one of only 20 Jedi before him to resign in 2,000 years.

Count Dooku killed his friend Sifo-Dyas and took control of the Jedi’s clone army. He turned the mortally injured Grievous into a cyborg and trained the Kaleesh in lightsaber fighting, turning him into a deadly duelist (all this would have been useful information in any of the prequel movies).  Using his telekinetic abilities and sith lighting, Dooku easily outmatched the Kenobi-Skywalker duo, fought Yoda and escaped with his life.  Years later his pride got the best of him and, betrayed by his master, he was executed by Anakin Skywalker.

Wilhuff Tarkin served Supreme Chancellor Palpatine in the Clone Wars before being appointed as Moff. The Emperor tasked Tarkin with building the Death Star and handed over full control of the project.  Tarkin, whom Darth Vader regarded as insane (yet, humiliatingly, was forced to obey), enjoyed ruling through fear – and explosive firepower.  He believed the Death Star would be the ultimate weapon in the war against the rebel alliance. But, as Darth Vader would put it, his technological terror paled in comparison to the power of the force.

Verdict:

count dooku, dooku darth tyrannus, dooku fighting, dooku anakin skywalker

Look at that hilt! Oh, it’s beautiful, isn’t it?

Dooku wins! Tarkin is essentially helpless against the power of the force.  While Tarkin is renowned as a crazed mastermind of galactic terror and seemed to naturally gravitate toward cruelty, Dooku would force choke the menacing smile off his face faster than he could call on Emperor Palpatine for help.  There is a reason Dooku’s fall to the dark side was mourned by the entire Jedi Order:  he was good.  His telekinetic abilities would have become legendary if he’d stayed in the order.  I imagine that he would not have to draw his lightsaber in battle against a non-force user.

What do you think?  Feel free to leave a comment below! Or, visit www.facebook.com/hannahscribbles to follow the “This is Madness” commentary! And, don’t forget to vote for who you think would win!

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