Hannah Scribbles

Star Wars Madness Day Three: Paging Captain Obvious

In Sci-Fi on March 20, 2013 at 9:23 am

Luke Skywalker vs. Wedge Antilles

A freighter pilot-turned-squadron leader, Wedge Antilles definitely has the skills to pay the Imperial bounty on his head.  He rose through the Rebel Alliance’s ranks because of his ability to survive open combat against the TIE fighters that killed most of the Red Squadron.  He is also renowned as the only squadron fighter to survive the assaults on both Death Stars.

Luke Skywalker was just a farm boy with delusions of grandeur until he met Old Ben Kenobi in the backsands of Tattoine.  Kenobi whipped the whiny Skywalker into shape, teaching him to channel the force into lightsaber and blaster attacks.  Skwalker used the power of the force to blow up the Death Star, return balance to the force and defeat the Empire.

Verdict:

Antilles wins! No, not really. Fresh piloting moves pale in comparison to the power of the force. This should be obvious, right?jedi master skywalker, Luke skywalker tattoine

Jabba the Hutt vs. Salacious Crumb

Jabba the Hutt has been around for several hundred years.  He amassed both wealth and infamy during that time.  The real source of Jabba’s power comes from his money; his servants are loyal to currency, not him.  He commands a large number of bounty hunters, including the notorious Boba Fett (also known as the Fett-man, though never to his face), who are more than capable of bringing the hurt to anyone who gets on the Hutt’s bad side.

When Salacious Crumb wandered aboard Jabba’s spaceship and started chowing down on the Hutt’s dinner, it should have been lights out for the little monkey-lizard.  Instead, Jabba offered Crumb the job of court jester, proving once and for all that he had a terrible sense of humor.  Crumb spent many years pulling pranks and being a sadistic jerk to whomever was in his path – to Jabba’s delight – until he died in a sail barge explosion.

Verdict:

jabba the hutt, jabba's palace, jabba tattoine, jabba gamblerJabba splats Crumb into monkey-lizard jelly.  Although Jabba previously tried to eat Crumb and found him inedible, there is more than one way to kill a nuisance.  Jabba might tail-swat him, for instance, or announce a prize to the first member of your entourage who can kill him. While Crumb might be able to cackle from a distance or hide in small spaces, he won’t escape Tattoine as easily as he arrived.

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  1. […] politically during the clone wars. She birthed two of the most important Figure heads in the galaxy Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa […]

  2. […] of the brackets on the light side so far had a gimmick.  There were the two scoundrel friends, the two pilot friends from Red Squadron, the two robot friends, the master-apprentice duo (they were friends) and the mom vs. daughter […]

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