Hannah Scribbles

Day One: Let the (Star Wars) Madness Begin!

In Sci-Fi on March 18, 2013 at 11:42 am

Welcome to your official coverage of the Star Wars “This Is Madness” tournament!  The brackets contain some famous heroes and villains, and over the next couple weeks we’ll watch as some of our favorites triumph and fail. My coverage follows the madness with an analysis on strengths, weakness and who would truly prevail in a death match. We might find some surprises in my account that don’t match the popular vote.

I predict that the first round will knock out weaker characters, but don’t take my word for it. Read on and vote!

Dark Side’s Round One:  Darth Vader vs. General Grievous

Everyone knows Darth Vader began life as Anakin Skywalker, a boy possessing unforeseen force sensitivity, engineering genius and a sense of adventure.  After Skywalker’s fall to the dark side, he fought his former master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and lost (mostly due to anger and arrogance).

Vader lost some proficiency with the force due to the extent of his injuries but survived thanks to a cybernetic life-support suit.  He traveled the galaxy exterminating Jedi at the behest of his master, Emperor Palpatine. A menacing leader to his subordinates and the terror of the galaxy, Vader had no qualms snuffing out life on an arguably provoked whim.  He is skilled with a lightsaber and a master of telekinetics.

General Grievous, like Vader, came from a troubled past – and by that I mean he is more machine than man (read: lizard).  After an explosion left him mortally injured, Sith Master Count Dooku used some pretty dark tactics to transform Grievous into an efficient and obedient droid soldier – which didn’t quite work.  Interestingly enough, the same techniques that sustained Grievous would be used a few years later on the scorched Darth Vader.

Trained in lightsaber combat by the Sith master Count Dooku himself, Grievous became a more fierce warrior than he already was. As Supreme Commander of the armies of the Confederacy, he led an effectively vicious campaign against the Republic that left many civilians and Jedi dead. With his duel-wielding fighting style, Grievous was dangerous in close quarters.


Vader force choke, Darth Vader force choke, dark side, Sith Lord, Star Wars

Darth Vader wins! Not only does Vader control a fully operational Death Star, he has a masterful command of the force.  Even though Grievous was infused by a Jedi master’s blood, he did not gain any force sensitivity and would be unable to face Vader in close combat (and his ion cannons pale in comparison to the power Vader’s ship is packing).  While Grievous commands two or three lightsabers at a time, Vader would deflect his attacks long enough to drop half a reactor on his head or force crush his heart.

Light Side’s Round One:  Han Solo vs. Lando Calrissian

Lando Calrissian is a proficient con-man and an excellent gambler.  He won the Millennium Falcon in a game of Sabbac. He used the ship to smuggle goods, eventually running afoul of some nasty people whom he allegedly killed in self-defense.  Calrissian uses his betting skills to increase his political influence as seen in his appointment as administrator of Cloud City where he controls the city’s security forces.

If there is one person who could best Calrissian at Sabbac, it is Han Solo. Solo bested Calrissian at the game and acquired the Millennium Falcon, which he then used as a smuggling ship.  While Calrissian may be an accomplished fighter, Solo is a street smart con-man who knows how to use blaster pistols as well as good ol’ fashioned charm.


Han Solo, Han Solo fighting, han solo smuggler, han solo handsomeA wounded Han Solo defeats Calrissian!  Think about it. Both men are con artists, so any true rivalry would begin with some serious subterfuge.  Calrissian would most likely trick Solo into a corner, revealing himself in the process. The tables turn here, however. Solo grew up on the streets and received training in the Imperial army; he also has a wookie sidekick who swore him a life debt. Calrissian, a salesman and negotiator, will be no match for either (or both) of them in physical combat.  Either Chewbacca swoops in to steal Calrissian’s victory or Solo bests Calrissian using his military training.

Don’t forget to cast YOUR vote! Click here to do your galactic duty!

  1. […] in which case Boba Fett would indeed belong on the dark side for accepting money from the force choking ruler of the galaxy.  The ethics of this pairing is very […]

  2. […] lineup.  I know most of the brackets on the light side so far had a gimmick.  There were the two scoundrel friends, the two pilot friends from Red Squadron, the two robot friends, the master-apprentice duo (they […]

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